


You Are Not Alone

by BulletStead



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:48:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29567052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BulletStead/pseuds/BulletStead
Summary: It’s like there’s no escape, Jay Halstead is tossing and turning through the night. He feels alone but is he really?
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Kudos: 26





	You Are Not Alone

It’s quiet, too quiet, Jays looking around with his gun pointed and aimed as he walks around. His team mates with him by his side. It’s loud now as gunfire goes off, he takes cover behind a wall, dogs and civilians running around away from the danger. 

The air is thick and dusty, he’s back in Afghanistan again. He’s being shouted orders as the enemies take fire on them. He moves from the wall, rushing to grab civilian who fell on the ground from being shot, a woman who got hit in the side. He drags her behind the wall for cover as she’s screaming in pain. 

Jay is sweating as the sun is blazing on him. It’s so hot and he hasn’t had a drop of water in awhile. He runs over behind another wall, he’s firing his weapon harder getting a few hits in. It goes quiet and then he hears bloody screams of murder. 

He rushed to the civilians side who was bent over a little girls body. She’s weeping and looking angry at Jay. “You killed her! You killed my daughter. You’re a monster!” He looks down and sees it’s Morgan Willams. God no... Jay thought as he saw the blood oozing out of her small little body. 

This can’t be happening... not again. He takes his gear off, tears running down his face as he does CPR on her. “You’re not dead, you’re not dead! Come on!” Jays putting all the effort he can into saving her but it’s no use. The woman hitting him as he looked up and realized it’s her mother. 

He keeps apologizing as tears run down his face, this can’t be happening... it was an accident he didn’t mean to. Everything fades out as Hailey is shaking him gently. He finally wakes up and realizes tears running down his face. 

He quickly wiped them away as he saw Hailey looking so concern for him. “Jay, are you okay baby? Was it a nightmare?” He sits up slowly and nods his head. The image of her little body laying there... stuck with him. “I...” he swallowed a thick lump in his throat that was now forming. “It was Morgan... I saw her again...” 

He breaks down right there as Hailey rubs his shoulders and back. She rests her chin on his shoulder trying her best to comfort him. “Do you want to talk about it?” He shakes his head and placed his hand over hers. She frowns as she continues to rub his shoulder and back. 

“It’s not your fault Jay, you had no idea she would be behind that door in that daycare.” He frowns as he wipes more tears from his face. “I only fired one round... after years I still... I still feel this guilt and pain...” Hailey felt her heart broke for him as she listened to what he had to say. 

“Remember how I told you I done the same thing but under different circumstances?” He turned his head to look at her and nodded. He really wanted to know about that but Hailey kept it in. He never pushed her, he never wants to push her. He wants her to tell him when she’s ready. 

“Well... it was a little girl for me too... I was inexperienced. There was a heist happening at location they told me to check out. I got nervous as the man pulled out his gun and had the kid held at gunpoint....” she takes a pause then continued on. Jay interrupted her as he placed a hand on her arm. “Hailey... you don’t have to tell me, okay? I don’t want you to push yourself.” She gave him a small tender smile. 

He’s always so protective and concerned, she squeezes his hand gently as they now entwined together. “No, I want to. I’m ready.” He gave her a nod and let her proceed. “He was on foot, I ran after him even after my commanding officer told me not to. It was very dark and I thought I could get him, I wished I had... the adrenaline was in and it looked like I had him, but as I stepped into view I saw the little girl.” 

She gets choked him and Jay wraps his arms around her, she welcomes his warm embrace as she hugs him tighter. “I was a rookie Jay... so inexperienced. I had no idea what I was doing. I thought I had him... but when I saw the young six year old bleeding out right there... I lost it too.” 

He rubs her back gently as he kissed her forehead and listened to her with intent. “I know how you feel, you blame yourself, you think of every scenario in the back of your mind, wondering if things were different would you still have the same results..” he nods his head as he stayed quiet and more tears form in his eyes. 

His voice hoarse with emotions as he spoke. “It’s like a never ending nightmare, no matter how many days or years pass you by. The demons always talking to you, reminding you of what happened.” She looked up at him and nodded her head. He gazes into her eyes as they share that with each other. Their mental connection speaking without words telling the other that I have you, you aren’t alone. 

He rests his forehead against hers as they hold each other. “I will be here for you Jay. You can tell me anytime you have a nightmare or want to speak about it and I will always listen to you.” He smiles softly as he knows from years of knowing Hailey how she always has his back. 

“Same for you my baby Goldfish.” He pecks her lips and she pecks his sweetly, causing them both to smile into it. They stay like that for awhile, just holding each other and protecting each other from the nightmares that invade their minds. 

Jay is happy to have Hailey, she’s so strong, beautiful, a wonderful partner. An equal to him as he is to her, with Hailey, Jay feels like he can conquer anything. She’s his world and he will always do everything in his power to keep her safe. 

They both wish they can take each other’s nightmares away, but having each other and being in each other’s lives? It’s the best gift they could ever ask for.


End file.
